Empathy builds a bridge between our viewpoint and that of others. Empathy allows us to cooperate. Empathy is the ability to see and feel how another person sees and feels. Empathy resolves conflict. Empathy lets us build deep and meaningful relationships. Empathy enables awareness. Empathy enables trust. Empathy enables love.
We are nearly incapable of empathy. As Carl Jung said, “People are virtually incapable of understanding and accepting any point of view other than their own.” We each live in a world of our own. Our assumptions are our glasses into the world. And it’s rare that we scrub them off. How can we see how others see the world when we are nearly incapable of being aware of our own assumptions of how we see the world?
When we assume that others see the world the way we do, we lack imagination and empathy. We grow impatient and wonder how others could be so stupid. Instead, let us ask, “How might this person see the world differently?” Chris Voss and Tahl Raz said, “Empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world.”
Judgment weakens our empathy muscle. We judge what we do not like—according to our assumptions. It is hard to accept that we may not know everything and that others may not like the same things we like. Judgment inflicts violence upon others and ourselves. Judgment puts up a wall. Judgment attempts to push others down so that we may stand taller. But in the end, we all just end up in the muck.
Curiosity helps us strengthen our empathy muscle. When others act in a way that conflicts with our value system, let us get curious. Let us ask, what motivates them? What core life experiences have they had that shape how they see the world? What needs do they have? What makes them tick? What are their strengths? What are their weaknesses?
Self-awareness builds empathy. When we learn to see our own flaws, we begin to accept the flaws of others. Leo Tolstoy said, “Only those who know their weaknesses can be tolerant of the weaknesses of their neighbors.” Carl Jung said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” When we recognize that we are all human, flawed, and imperfect, we open the door for compassion, kindness, and empathy.
