“Only one person in this world can ever make you feel depressed, worried, or angry—and that person is you! This idea can change your life.”
— David D. Burns, Ten Days to Self-Esteem
It’s easy to blame others when we feel upset. Our emotions can cause us to lose our minds. We end up in fight-or-flight mode. We rarely consider that perhaps we play an active role in the thoughts and feelings that appear in awareness.
The wise change themselves, not others. The wise recognize that it isn’t the world that causes problems but our minds. Good and bad exist only in our minds.
Feelings arise from our thoughts. Positive emotions arise when we think something good has happened. Negative emotions arise when we think something bad has happened.
We can change our feelings if we learn to change our thoughts. For example, Matthew Lieberman, a UCLA psychology professor, conducted a study that found that labeling an emotion decreases that emotion’s intensity. The simple trick of being aware of and naming our feelings can shift how we feel.
Anytime you feel bad, name how you feel. Then, ask yourself, what thoughts are attached to this feeling? A bad feeling will nearly always follow from a thought that you believe is bad for you.
Examine that thought. How might it not be true? How might that thought actually be good for you? How might you be able to shift that thought from a negative one into a positive one?
Imagine what can be possible if you applied these ideas consistently through all areas of your life. Once you realize that you have the ability to be aware of, choose, and modify your thoughts and feelings, nothing will ever be the same again.
