Our emotions drive us. Reason plays a supporting role at best. Beneath each logical decision lies a deep emotional need. Emotional blindness leads to conflict and deception. Emotional awareness leads to authenticity. We can act true to ourselves only when we understand our core needs.
Our most universal need is to be loved. We all want to be accepted. We all want attention. Our need for love began in childhood. We needed our parents to love us. We feared abandonment. To be abandoned is to risk death.
As we grew older and as we learned to take care of ourselves, that need for love remained. That fear of abandonment never left us. When we are blind to our craving for attachment, it chains us to the opinion of others. We sway with the winds of other people’s opinions. We sacrifice our authentic selves. This fear of abandonment that was a strength as a child becomes a weakness.
An adult who acts like a child—a person who cannot stand on their own two feet—is cast off. Few of us can tolerate emotional beggars. They trigger our own inner emotional beggar, and so we distance ourselves. The desire for attachment becomes the cause of our detachment.
When we shine awareness on our craving for attachment, its destructive power diminishes. When we learn to stand on our own two feet—when we learn that we are free, independent, and safe—then we no longer attach to others in order to drain their energy. We don’t need others to put on our oxygen masks for us. We don’t rely on others to take care of our emotional needs.
When we act out of our own freedom and power, we can give instead of take. We can begin serving instead of being served. When we help others—not out of pride or vanity, but out of a humble intent to serve—others will naturally be drawn to us. By minimizing our craving for attachment, we build stronger connections with others.
When we break our chains of childhood, we can build a bridge of love.
related:
emotions / relationships
